Feel what you feel

I had a lovely Christmas break, from Friday (Christmas Eve) until Tuesday morning, but on Monday afternoon I got upset while losing at a board game. Bizarre, that is not like me. Competitive at board games, sure. Someone who gets upset and sulky about it? No way, that is not me at all.

So, a little later, and from a place of care, I found myself in a 1:1 conversation about what was wrong. I tried to think about why I might have reacted that way, then suddenly I burst into floods of tears and exclaimed: “I miss my boys!”, then the tears flowed even more until, a few minutes later, I took a deep sigh and that cathartic moment was complete. A feeling of relief then flowed through me, having unexpectedly allowed the feeling to come forward and to recognise what was within me.

So, then what happened?

One thing I have learned in years of coaching is that the first thing to do when we feel something is simply allow ourselves to “feel what we feel”, to simply be with that feeling, not to try to solve the problem, to make it ok. If you are the person feeling the feeling, allow it. Let the skies clear then you can think about what there is to think about, and perhaps to do. If you are the person sitting with that person, simply be with them, don’t try to fix it, don’t see to rescue them from their upset.